Figuring It Out
Strawberries in Winter
Clowning Glory + Creating
True Love and What to Do
New Year Tortoise Journey
House of Rody
Let the Holiday Madness Begin
Catching the Moon
This is Miles with his hand in the dog food bowl. He heads over that way each morning before I have a chance to pick it up and move it into the canine garage-lounge. This morning he was so into it that I just let him play in the bowl until he tired of it. His sleeper was covered in kibble dust in the end. I tried uploading the picture with his hand moving toward his mouth, but it won't load up. You can bet he did [that] a few times, at least....
He's been cranky all day, leaving me feeling like I want to throw myself off the Lake of the Woods bridge a few times. Won't eat, won't nap. Just cries and reaches for me all day long.
He is out for a walk with Daddy now and I miss him like crazy.
Went shopping at the local nursery today and found some yummy gifts to round out my holiday givins. Had to stuff my pockets full of cheerios to keep you-know-who decent inside the nursery building. On the drive home, we listened to one of his favorite cds and he bounced along happily. Short lived, but I was glad to have a few happy minutes in the car. It has a great version of Dylan's New Morning on it.
Crafting & Catching Up
I've not posted in too long! This week found me crafting up a storm to participate in a little local holiday street fair with some of my mountaingirl tribe, peddling our fused glass and felted wares. I had little time for anything else! Creating during the holidays is especially satisfying to me-making gifts for loved ones isn't something I make a point to do every year, so I'm really HAPPY to be doing it this year! Squishing the hot, soapy water into the smelly sheeps wool and listening to Christmas music-bliss, I tell you.
I want to point you to one of my favorite mamas on the web who interviewed me for her monthly "Mom to Mom" piece this month. Wendy has another post which demands attention from any readers who believe that the choice of co-sleeping should be left up to parents. There is a NY hospital detailed that makes its patients sign an agreement committing them not to co-sleep with their infants and toddlers. It is so disgustingly out of line for any establishment to refuse care to parents who choose to co-sleep. As if it is some kind of crime or secret guilty pleasure to sleep with one's baby! Egad. Please follow Wendy's link to voice your opinion on this matter. As much as I'd like to pretend my choices aren't often in danger, they are. Honestly, what is next?
If you love to laugh your ass off, listen to this. Oh my good heavens, I almost peed a million times. I had to listen twice. If you are a fan of The Office, go NOW.
I want to remember vividly how you cried out when I picked you up to carry you inside on this particular morning. You seemed to say that the winter sun is never so warm in the morning as it is today! I had to pee and needed to warm my cold coffee and I was finished picking the deck's splintered wood from your crawling knickers that I pull on over your sleeper each morning so your knees won't soil. Every tinkle of the windchime caught your attention, each flap of the pirate flag standing in the corner of the yard on its side from your party nearly two months gone grabbed your eyes. Cats figure-eighted in and out between us yeowing and leaving us draped in long, tabbied hairs.
I want to remember that we left the yard that morning to come inside to get warm and huddle together over oatmeal that smells strangely of bacon. I want to remember the nights that have passed since then, the ones where you cried all night-or most of it-alternately pushing and pulling me toward and from with frustrated grrrrs of teething and sleeplessness.
The business of having babies is not a simple one. I am here purely because of my needling desire to witness your life as only I can. I crank at how lack of sleep interferes with that process, of how my own proneness to grieving the passing present moment tortures me. Built up, these two factions find me tippytoeing on a tightrope of feeling lost in a jungle of wire hangers and madly in love all at the same time. I owe you an apology for thinking I would never feel lost once you got here.
Babies don't cure our empty, gaping holes and short fuses. But you, my son, make this life sweeter than my feeble imagination could have dreamed it to be.
Adoring Moo Neigh
"When you are on a journey, it is certainly helpful to know where you are going or at least the general direction in which you are moving, but don't forget: The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That's all there ever is." Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.
The inner purpose is always revealing itself in new light for me. Sometimes I feel very far away from myself, like a disjointed tangent inside a storybook. I will pick up an old journal from time to time and I'm always amazed at how me I was then, and still am. The things I cherished yesterday were the same as they are today. The things I struggle with are archetypal grooves etched into my soul just for me to triumph over, repeating rhythmically like a piece of music.
The step I'm taking right at this moment is to notice how my outer journey changes, but my inner journey is the most important one and that it is static within my shiny core.
What step are you taking right at this moment? That's all there ever is...