more katie

"Underlying belief: My life should have a purpose. Is it true? Yes. Can I absolutely know that it's true? No. How do I react when I think the thought? I feel fear, because I don't know what my purpose is, and I think I should know. I feel stress in my chest and head. I may snap at my husband and children, and this eventually takes me to the refrigerator and the television in my bedroom, often for hours or days, I feel as if I'm wasting my life. I think that what I actually do is unimportant and that I need to do something big. This is stressful and confusing. When I believe this thought, I feel great internal pressure to complete my purpose before I die. Since I can't know when that is, I think that I have to quickly accomplish this purpose (which I don't have a clue about). I feel a sense of stupidity and failure, and this leaves me depressed. Who would I be without the belief that my life should have a purpose? I have no way of knowing. I know I'm more peaceful without it, less crazed. I would settle for that! Without the fear and stress around this thought, maybe I'd be freed and energized enough to be happy just doing the thing in front of me. The turnaround: My life should not have a purpose. That would mean that what I've lived has always been enough, and I just haven't recognized it. Maybe my life shouldn't have a purpose other than what it is. That feels odd, but somehow it rings truer. Could it be that my life as it's already lived is the purpose? That seems a lot less stressful." from Loving What Is, Byron Katie. It's no secret that I am a big ole Katie fan. She appears here frequently. She's my ZenMasterGuruFlash. Because I can find myself caught up in a hairy tangle of complicated beliefs that unconsciously infiltrate my processes like a yeasty parasite, her work resonates with me. Part of my problem is hardwiring from the early years. Part is that I am sometimes lazy about looking at me and my stuff. When I feel the whacking ker-whacka of a life lesson, I'm oft taken aback at how I could have been living this way for so long without seeing the screeching monolith before me. Her method goes beyond seeking a truth. She's so simplistic in the way that she presents her argument: DON'T ARGUE WITH REALITY. Every time I bust myself doing it, I have to laugh. Katie is known as the Woman Who Made Friends With the Wind, as she lives in Barstow where the wind is merciless and shoots grains of sand through your eyeballs. She is quoted as saying "How do I know that the wind should blow? It's blowing!" She's a woman that deeply touches my little type-A heart.