loose ends

the little buddha has been missing from my blog lately. my computer officially hates me...i've been organizing photos for what seems like forever. i will get back on the good foot and make sure miles gets enough face time here. he is changing so quickly. now that he is six months+, he is becoming so independent. he wants to sit and play with his toys or lie on the couch while we are near. he doesn't like to be held quite as much anymore. he is developing opinions. this is scary. he is starting to give indications of what it is he wants and this is really fun. he started saying mamamamamama two days ago, but i don't think he is referring to me. seems like he uses this word to let us know that he wants nurturing. that pesky first tooth is STILL making its way in, so he gets whiny about the pain. poor little guy. he is teaching me so much about budgeting my time. i told B last night that i have always been a bit of a lollygagger, procrastinator, busyworker (read: decluttering before i can get to the real work)...since m sleeps so little, his naps mean get into the studio and get busy. i love that he is my teacher.

this is a piece i started in december. i didn't know it would be a dedication to the nine of us when i began. there are also nine coyotes buried within...my girls. all facing our tricksters and shadows and lights and stories while helping each other along. this one's for you!

the business of painting is becoming a frenzy. i have a goal to complete 24 by june, and i have varnished three so far. yikes! i do believe it can happen. i'm really enjoying my process-i feel really fearless when i face the canvas, a new thing for me. i'm just workin.

when i went back to school a few years ago, in the end to get my degree in fine art, i was of the belief that my work could not be validated without a degree, proving that i had some training in composition, color theory, et al. and i thought that i would also teach (you know, to fall back on) because i had no idea what i would do once i got the damn degree.

i met with my friend maggie in december, who does this amazing healing work that involves muscle testing your truths...i know! crazy, huh? well, i offered to be a guinea pig as my two other dears watched-the statement i gave was "without my degree i cannot do the work i am meant to do". she asked me how true the statement was on a scale of 1-10 with ten being really true. i think my answer was eight... so she worked quickly to reverse this belief, did a little clearing and then asked me again. i truly felt, not because i had changed my mind about the thing, but i truly felt like this wasn't true anymore.

just like me, i went on and forgot about it. until yesterday. i realized that the plaguing, heavy, dark, sinking, burdensome feeling of needing to rush back to school to finish the monster under the bed was not there. in fact, i had not thought about it since.....WAIT A MINUTE!!? since december???? wtf?

so i'm turning this over, you see. just one of the many little colored threads in my consiousness.

this week i am working with:

*Bear-for strength, major unearthing in order to tune into that psychic glitter that helps me express myself. *Dolomite-for eliminating confusion-getting clear.

LOVING the processes of these lovelies:

teesha moore, jenny vorwaller, and tara finlay. they are all amazing. go see!

sending you a hunk of earthy red modeling clay to press your unique thumbprint into, leaving your magic mark on the world, because i am waiting to see what you've got, i know it will be jsut marvelous...


Blogger Swirly said...

I love reading about your process, and about how you let go of things that are blocking you. Keep going girlie!

4/13/2006 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Ally Bean said...

"without my degree i cannot do the work i am meant to do"

Over the years I've come to wonder if WITH my degree I cannot do the work I am meant to do!! ;-)

Glad you're learning and enjoying the process now. Good for you.

4/13/2006 01:29:00 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Ah sister!

I love the new pic of M. He is so delicious! I can’t believe how big he is getting.

I totally hear you on the degree = credibility fear. I have been sitting with this one as I work towards becoming a sex therapist/educator – there I said it! I will be a sex therapist/educator. I felt like what I thought and knew wasn’t very weighty because I don’t have a degree in that field. As more and more friends ask me for advice or help, I see that people aren’t coming to be because of what my diploma says, but because of what my heart says and the knowledge that I have. I do hope that I will get into the Masters program that I applied for…for the degree and for the experience. But ultimately we are experts because of who we are and the work we do…not because of a title.

I love your art work! Maybe I will make a trip to see you in June so I can see all 24 creations all lined up!


Julie J

4/13/2006 03:39:00 PM  
Blogger Goddess of Leonie said...

fabulous earth-water-fire-spirit sister,

your words are branding irons into the air. oh so good.
i went off into a different place while i was reading you, and didn't realise until i checked back in.
funny, i had/have/am healing EXACTLY the same thought process as you. that i couldn't BE an artist/do my work in the world without having the training. i didn't complete my degree though - i realised i didn't have the time, that the yearning to BE an artist was too great {instead of learning how to be one}, that my work starts NOW, and it began a long time ago.

you are such a deep and radiant blessing. thank you, hey.


4/13/2006 03:53:00 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

i always gain wisdom, each time i visit you here.

thank you for leaving your magic mark on my world.

4/13/2006 10:59:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

oh pixie, miles is getting so big! such gorgeous boy. love on him some for me, won't you?

4/14/2006 03:13:00 AM  
Blogger Persephone said...

Had to smile when I read about "maaamaaamaaamaaa." When they were babies, both of my girls used "maaaamaaaamaaa" to tell us that they were unhappy and a chipper "dadadada" when they were happy. Their father thought that was hilarious. Don't worry, the real "mama" will be coming soon. :-)

4/14/2006 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

the wrists! the wrists are killing me with cuteness! i can barely stand it. milk power!

and your painting. beautifulwonderous. and what beautiful meaning behind it.

4/14/2006 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger penelope said...

What a cutie chubby boy! :)

4/14/2006 01:46:00 PM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

I squealed with delight when I saw this picture. He is soo precious.

My little man is now almost 14 months. The time goes by so quickly.

I wish Maggie would come over to my house!

I have done muscle testing, but for what foods or herbs my body needed.

It is amazing how it works.

I am so glad the monster is gone.

4/21/2006 05:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

I would have wondered if muscle testing really works...if I hadn't experienced it for myself. It's freaky! :) (My Mom did it to me in the late 70's...and as I write that I can't believe that was so very long ago...I need more muscle testing...)

4/21/2006 10:43:00 PM  

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