in the dark

an email from feisty entitled "craptastic" made my day. i love new words born out of a shitty experience! makes it all worthwhile somehow...okay, not really... i want to quick thank all of you who have emailed me with advice about my website. it has been inspiring and hopeful to hear of so many options, many i had no idea existed! merci, merci. once we are settled in the new house situation, i will begin the transition, but i'll hang out here until the new journal is totally in place. so don't go anywhere! i was thinking about my dear [lover] swirly today and how BIG she dreams. so much bigger than i do. i thought, okay, i'm going to be swirly for a day. what shall i think about? what shall i do? and my next thought was, well, i might as well go for the gold and be oprah [swirly's icon] too. what shall i do? what myriad ideas and thresholdless doors fell open before me! the business of "inspiration" is sometimes mystifying to me. though i am inspired by words and doins every day, i had not really thought of myself as an inspiring force in the world. perhaps because at times i loom in my own muckishness, i have not created enough room in my consciousness to think of how i inspire others or how i would want to. so i'm thinkin on it, you see. and stuff is coming up. like, maybe i would like to inspire others to meet me in the dark. why then? because some are afraid of the dark? because i was once afraid of the dark? why do i think others would benefit from meeting me, a smallish pixie, in the dark? perhaps it is my quest to inspire others to be fearless, as i would like to be. when i overcome fears, i am holy in my superpower for the moment. i am that much more free, free to create my meaningful experience. when i am not afraid of myself, my thoughts, my power, i can be a force of good in the world like swirly and oprah are. i can. me. hey! a smallish pixie. in the dark. you and me. and the magic flashlight.