that incredible duo belong to me-one is my eighty-one year old grammy and one is my little baby who is almost three months old (but i think was about 6 weeks in that photo). look at the contrast! they are both sages.

i saw a friend today who recently lost a baby, and she is expecting again. she asked me how to settle her anxiety a bit, as i have been through losing a pregnancy and also giving birth for the first time. i didn't have an answer for her. all i could muster up was that she can trust. that the body can do it. and to not trust, i thought, could be to lose hope.

the lady in the photo lost more than one pregnancy, and also a young daughter. when i felt the depth of my own sorrow, i was comforted to know that i was not alone.

the holidays always make me emotional. i remember driving home to the central valley from l.a. when i moved. for the first few years, i would cry all the way to my parents house. the sentiments that come up for me are very consistent. three years ago the holidays were miserable because i lost my baby in mid december. this year, i am leaping with joy and love because it is my baby's first christmas.

my grandparents are getting so much older. i have another dear friend who just lost her grandma this month. time is so precious, i know. grandmas rule.

i've been having a bit of trouble blogging-my site is a bit fritzy. if i can't be here again before the new year arrives, let me say, hug your lovers long and feel the gratitude deep in your heart for them. savor and relish your experience this year, whatever your bag holds.

xo. p.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just stumbled upon your site through andreas superhero journal and was struck by this post of your grandmother and your new baby. I too have lost a baby, two in fact, one at 24 weeks, yes, what heartbreaker that was and the other at 6 weeks. I'm struck by your sage advice to your friend about how to be less anxious during a pregnancy after loss. Even though I gave birth in June to a healthy baby girl i'm still learning the lesson of trust myself. I'm still shedding the identity of a 'woman who suffered a tragic pregnancy loss' and am still a bit in shock that i prevailed through this last pregnancy and have now joined the club of a 'woman with a gorgeous beautiful incredible baby'. thank you for sharing your loss and your new love...i share both.

1/18/2006 01:15:00 PM  

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