8/31/2005

honestly

The scent of early Fall has settled onto the mountain-my favorite time of year. The sunlight comes through the trees in a certain hazy way, unlike in other seasons. I’d begun to make this post when my screen suddenly asked if I wanted to navigate away from it and when I clicked “cancel” it took me back to the page I’d just visited. So I’m here, in crappy ole Word, bitching silently about the unchangeable… Why is it that when I write with honesty and then try to recreate it, I simply cannot do it? I know part of my resistance is because I am a stubborn mule, bitterly kicking my way through tasks if they don’t go as planned. Breathing now. I was meant to make a different point, perhaps. I wanted to tell you about loss and how when someone I love experiences it, how helpless I feel to comfort them. I wanted to tell you that my choice to be a bodyworker was born of wanting to help people nurse their pain. I wanted to tell you that I get confused and self conscious about how my well-meaning gestures will be received, if they are enough or too much. I wanted to comfort you and tell you that whatever you are going through, you will be able to heal. But that sometimes I don’t believe my own words. Maybe because I have unhealed wounds of my own. I just wanted to tell you all of that.

6 Comments:

Anonymous laughingleo said...

Hi there girlie Girl,
I just read your beautiful, poignant post. I wanted you to know that you are a healer in every sense of the word. You heal with your hands, heart, words, and your mere presence. The gift is in the giving, something that comes as natural to you as breathing. Being the recipient can sometimes be the more difficult of the healing process and the responsibility of acceptance falls on we the receivers. Many people don't know how to accept the gift......the willingness to accept is a gift in itself; a gift we sometimes don't allow ourselves to open.

8/31/2005 09:57:00 AM  
Blogger Swirly said...

I want to tell you that love you truly, madly, deeply.

8/31/2005 05:11:00 PM  
Blogger tariansdream said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9/02/2005 06:38:00 AM  
Blogger tariansdream said...

Well that was not what I meant to do... :/ talk about frustrating!!

Things never come out the same way twice either do they? WOW, well, perhaps this was meant to have been edited?

Today was my second opportunity to visit your site and whilst I have only read your first posting Fearless, and this latest posting Honesty... I must say that you are, to me, a wonderful friend. I find myself comforted my your writings am greatful that your Ms. Swirly convinced you to blog here. This morning was my first opportunity to sit on my patio and watch the skies change as the sun was finding her way to waken. Its crisp out, although I think the day will be warm again. This is not nearly what the 1st post said but now, the alarm is sounding and reality begins! Much love and thanks... N

9/02/2005 06:49:00 AM  
Blogger auburnpisces said...

Each time I read you, I am moved.

9/08/2005 02:14:00 PM  
Blogger auburnpisces said...

Hurry back.

9/27/2005 12:30:00 PM  

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