home is where the art is
The collective manifestation worked. An offer was made on our house and we opened escrow today. How quickly things can change just when I felt I was going to be here until next Spring...
So I am now in a place of limbo, (those of you who know me know that this is a veritable purgatory for me), waiting for the emotional reality to settle in that I will be leaving this place, moving on to another and having my baby boy that very week. Searching for rentals in the San Joaquin Valley this time of year is going to be so fun! The reasons we are leaving the woods and moving to the valley below are so many: we'd like to be closer to family, we are overhauling our finances, resources are more plentiful there, etc. All of the logical stuff makes sense.
What is odd to me is the fact that I have the unconscious ability to block out how I feel about a thing until I feel stable and safe enough to handle the reality of it. It is not my mind who decides when it is okay to accept and begin to deal. I think it must be my intuitive senses or my body or something. Whatever the case, I am aware that I am here: in limbo, waiting for my feelings to make themselves known.
In the meantime, I'm having quite the creative burst. I spent all of yesterday collaging, playing with molding paste, gold dust, 3D paint. When I think about creating a safe haven within myself, it reminds me of so many things. Like approaching the birth of my son. Using hypnotherapy, I am working with creating a safe place in my head and my body so that no matter where I'm at or how frightened I might feel, I will be able to counter the fear with a built-in safety mechanism. Making art is the same thing. Whenever I feel a little threatened or ungrounded, as if something might be taken from me that I cherish, making art brings me back to a place where I can know myself again and confidently be at home (and at peace) wherever I'm at.