i spoke with a friend in distress this morning. she was feeling rather bleakish. when we got off the phone i remembered my pickaxe. i lost a pregnancy well over three years ago, and in my grief and recovery, i used my pickaxe to help me chip away anything that got in the way of healing. to me at that time, healing was the sparkling ruby embedded in the dark cave wall. i was determined to get there. along the way i found obstacles in my path, most which i had put there myself. the boulders, thorny brambles of confusion, and wayward dead branches were present either to protect me or to remind me of a wound i wanted to hang onto. chop, chop. the axe belonged to my cherished grandpa, and my dad gave it to me a couple of years before the miscarriage. i had used it many times to dig out the granitey hillside we lived on. it was the perfect tool. i would need the help of my wise ancestors to get me to a place of quiet. underneath the rage, disappointment, and heartbreaking sorrow lay the chunky ruby. it held the promise that things would get better. that i would understand what all of this meant in time. that i would be a mom, someday, somehow. so this friend. she's so brave. she shows up on my phone line some mornings dressed for battle. faced with terrible disappointments and loneliness that could leave a person numb forever, she yearns to stay clear, present and accountable to her feelings. i love her so much, for being so bold and courageous, when she could opt to open up an historic hissy fit and take loads of prozac instead. i thank you friend, for showing up and letting me help you. i honor the incredible vulnerability in you. thank you for trusting me, it is the true gift.

i'm sorry, but my child is so f**king adorable i could scream.

time to go to work....*smile*


Anonymous amy said...

this is so wonderful, amazing imagery and gracefulness. can I borrow that lovely pickaxe for awhile?

4/24/2006 01:39:00 PM  
Blogger Ally Bean said...

" faced with terrible disappointments and loneliness that could leave a person numb forever, she yearns to stay clear, present and accountable to her feelings"

so nicely stated. i hope that your pick axe helps your friend stay the course to clarity.

4/24/2006 02:06:00 PM  
Blogger Swirly said...

I think we should all scream he is so damn cute.

Thank you, thank you, a million thank yous my friend

4/24/2006 02:16:00 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

dearest beautiful pixie...how amazing the analogy of a pickaxe and the ruby at the end.

this one really spoke to me and i need to chew on it awhile.

i went to get all of our piled up mail today from being away a week and what do i find? a gorgeous turqoise envelope with your name on it.

a million THANK YOU'S for your generous heart, your words of wisdom and those affirmation. i will hang them up so that i see it every morning. will drink the beautifully wrapped tea now...

i adore you.

4/24/2006 03:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I adore the idea of using a pickaxe to break through everything hardened and frozen and painful inside of us...and trusting that it will all make sense someday.

Your friend is very lucky to have you, as are we all. :)

4/24/2006 08:30:00 PM  
Blogger Goddess of Leonie said...

i truly dig this, this sanctum, this mining, your physical power tool from your tribe, your heart chakra ruby.
i loved the words you spoke about your friend, and the way you felt honoured by her sharing of her vulnerability. i feel that exact same way when a dear friend does the same for me. she thanks me over and over, but yet i feel so deeply blessed for sharing in those lessons i wish to thank her instead.

bless you medicine woman sister.

agreed, fucking adorable doesn't even cut it. that's interplanetarilygalactically gorgeous.

4/24/2006 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

beyond adorable. he is simply BEYOND adorable.

this post feels so powerful to me...using the pickaxe to chip away at the layers we build up around us and that people try to cover us with. finding the ruby. oh this is so good.

blessings to your friend as she does the work on her journey...
blessings to you for reminding us all about what good friends do.

4/25/2006 12:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

"...it held the promise that things would get better." As evidenced by that beyond adorable photo. :) It's unfortunate that it's having friends with the same disease that's brought me to your blog, but glad to be here. Lovely imagery...lovely post.

4/25/2006 03:58:00 AM  
Blogger The Whole Self said...

you guys are lucky to have each other. you are one powerful mama.

and your little one, seriously...f*ing adorable doesn't even begin to describe...

4/26/2006 10:20:00 AM  
Blogger Sarah e.Smith said...

What a wonderufl post...thank you for your insight :) You little one is so adorable :) I can't get enough of those cheeks :)

Oh...and thank you so much again for supporting my art. :)

5/02/2006 10:34:00 AM  

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