3/07/2006

spt: warrior

sparkle shoes, 2005. it is apparent and true that we want to talk about our fears. and why shouldn't we? talking about them may help us unmask them, paving a path for true vision. i believe that when we push something down, treat it like something unworthy of our attention because it is bad, untidy, or complicated we are denying ourselves a rich opportunity to first- gaze inward thoughtfully, and second-diffuse what could become (?your fear magnified?). thing is, it doesn't feel good to see these parts of ourselves. and we don't like feeling the resulting guilt because then we might begin a cycle of self-loathing. we know where that gets us. on a bus headed straight for dark thoughts about ourselves, unworthiness, negative thinking patterns. might the fear manifest the exact action or result you wish to avoid? declare to face yourself in the mirror, on this self-portrait tuesday. take that thought, that fear or worry and see it for what it is: just a thought. thoughts can be changed. spt is so important to me because i see it as an invitation to accept what i see, and learn to work with just who i am, right now. you who've set your dreams on too high a shelf, who are afraid of failing, might it be that seeing your dream evolve or change is the frightening thing? that what you thought you originally wanted has shapeshifted into something different or less grandiose? less fancy? less impressively titled? what opening can be created if you allow your fear to be the thing that shapeshifts. can it shift into power? who would you be if you could use your fear as fuel? remember that fear exists to protect you-but once that job is done, it lingers like an unwanted guest, a tripwire, a cancer. today i am not afraid. i am not afraid of boredom, of loneliness, of doing my job poorly, of letting this day slip by without looking in the mirror and saying, "what is the real truth?". i can face it. and so can you. good luck, warriors.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3/07/2006 04:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The more frightfull realization (as you look in that mirror) is that some of us are looking for the first time. Today was my day to look and say to myself that I am ready to finally look and I am anxious, yet will stare into my own eyes and make the promise to be accecting and unafraid.

I happened on your blog by fate and not by chance, because today I turned a corner in self-realization.
T

3/07/2006 08:16:00 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Yes Pixie! Very well said! When I was in grad school for acting (which was a dream of mine, I wanted it so badly and worked so hard to get in) I heard a quote (which I am going to butcher) that meant the world to me. It was about how difficult it is to give up something that you thought you wanted. Damn, now I have to go through my old journals and look it up. I'll be back!

3/07/2006 09:29:00 PM  
Blogger Swirly said...

Very well said. As always.

3/08/2006 08:27:00 AM  
Blogger Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

As my husband said teh other night at the dinner table to our teenagers;
Happiness is not something to seek, it is something to accept. Happiness is not having more and better and climbing up and up..happiness is a choice it is something we have right before us. To trust and accept as good.
Be happy where you stand, happiness is inside you.

3/09/2006 10:38:00 PM  

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