2/18/2006

overlapping

The Real Work It may be that when we no longer know what to do We have come to our real work. And that when we no longer know which way to go We have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. -Wendell Berry

I stole this quote straight off of dear Swirly's site today because I truly believe it deserves repeating. I burst right into tears upon reading it because it is another one of those days, you know the ones, when I feel stripped of my physical and emotional reserves and unable to perform in the manner required of me.

I sometimes feel like being at the end of my rope is something that happens too frequently to me. If I'm at the end today, how could I bear much more? And then some days pass and I know that I could take more, because I did take more.

Having a baby and all that goes with can be difficult at times. No one tells you that the first time your baby gets really sick, you will be tested in many ways you may not have been able to foresee.

I know we'll make it through. There will be sleep again. And my shoulders and back will find their proper alignment again. And the sun will shine and we can go back to making merry.

But sometimes, when I'm right in the middle of it all, I'm not even looking for the end, I'm just trying to find a branch to cling to, before the river sweeps me down with it. Just in this moment, these are my feelings-that a wide and rushing river threatens to yank me from my safe shoreline. For a moment, I teeter, I feel the fear urgently tug. I know I'll feel differently tomorrow. Strength will return, emotional reserves will replenish.

This is just how I feel right now.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anna said...

Ooof! That's the very exact perfect necessary quote! Thank you, dearie-o. I hope that you and Miles are feeling better sooooon. *squeeze*

2/18/2006 04:40:00 PM  
Anonymous linda (toronto canada) said...

i know what you mean. i have 3 kids under 5 and when they're sick (sometimes at the same time- not fun)i try to think that next week at the same time they'll be themselves again. it makes me feel better to pull myself out of the moment where the vortex of nose wiping, vomit bucket holding and worrying seems able to swallow me whole.

2/18/2006 07:30:00 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

I feel it right now too...my daughter who is 10months is sick and it's been a very hard week for us around here...just reaching for a branch at 3am is just how i feel too..you are not alone.

2/18/2006 08:22:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

dearest pixie,
i too have felt the tug of that current.
much love mama,
wendy

2/19/2006 03:27:00 AM  
Anonymous treehugger said...

Ah pixie, i feel your pain. In the quiet moments/nano seconds wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug. Use that moment as a pity party and pretend we are all there with you in pink pajamas and screwed up hair.

you are building an arsenal of tools. the beginning is the toughest.
hang is sister. Love to you.

2/19/2006 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger Mardougrrl said...

Oh, how I can empathize. A sick baby can make you feel as though you are hurtling through a space of pain and lack of sleep. It's hard to see achieve any sort of view of it when you are in it...but it's all cycles.

Good luck to both of you and get some much-needed rest.

2/19/2006 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

i am handing you a twig.

big, warm arms around you lifting you up.

love to you.

BoHo xoxo

2/19/2006 06:37:00 PM  
Blogger Bohemian Girl said...

oh and...this is such a lovely pic. my eyes actually teared up looking at this. you look so in love with your baby and full of embracing motherhood.

not to mention your Tattoo is quite sexy. : )

2/20/2006 01:19:00 PM  
Blogger Colorsonmymind said...

My son spit up ALOT until he was about 5-6 months old, so much that some days I had to change his outfit 5 times. It was so aweful in moments-sometimes days, but you are right it dows pass.

I still have some days/nights where I feel this way but as he has gotten older the times are further apart.

For us when he reached 5-6 months things got a lot easier- he slept better at night, spit up less, could sit up etc.

You are not alone.

2/20/2006 05:04:00 PM  

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